I am struggling. Not that life has been easy so far and I have never struggled before but this is a different struggle; something that I have never experienced before. I am struggling to find a happy face around me. Everyone I see on the roads, markets, restaurants, clubs, offices and homes is unhappy. Everyone is stressed to the extent that they can’t even keep an externally calm persona. I did not believe myself and made a small prayer in my heart to be wrong and asked a friend to find me a happy face in a crowded market place ... lo and behold he couldn’t find one either. I am so disappointed to be right. What an irony being right sometimes too is a disappointment.
The other day when a cab stopped besides my car on a traffic filter, I came across a sad face, saddest that I have ever seen in my life. This is a sixty something years old woman, dumped on the passenger seat along with another occupant struggling to remain seated. I wonder if she was even sixty but looked much older. She was in my thoughts for the rest of the day and I kept on wondering how could one person accumulate so much of sorrow in one life time? .
Driving along the main road just this morning I saw a middle aged man digging a paved road with a sledge hammer that was almost his weight. Those of us who have lifted weights know how difficult it is but this poor sould does not have any choice. Life is difficult here. It is damn so difficult but should this be an excuse for unhappiness.
We, as a society are an unhappy lot. We find reasons to be unhappy rather than being happy. We are so worried about others that we forget ourselves. We live, and die for others rather than us. Knowing fully well that we can neither make everyone happy nor can we win everything in life; we keep struggling for that elusive end. We are bad losers, anything and everything is a matter of competition When a car overtakes us on the road we enter into a competition. The whole purpose of our existence in to compete and win. In the process we forget our own being. We exist for others not us.
Growing up in the same social environment, the biggest threat that was used to make me confirm was what would others think? You have guests you serve them more than what you serve your own children not because of anything but what would the guest think. I went to an engineering school and when I failed in the first year my parents concern was not me but what would their friends and family think. Why are we so concerned about others?
We are in a constant race with everyone. A cricketer competes in cricket field with other cricketers so does a footballer but we compete with everyone without realising what we are – a cricketer or a footballer or someone else? Can the Cathay Mullays of Pakistan run forever and win too? The best athlete can run a race in the track and win but cannot be a winner forever. Making life a race where we have to win every moment of existence makes life unliveable. For us victory and defeat is the only criterion of success. Can we not have a broader definition of success? To me the only criterion for success is being happy.
Russell elucidates reasons for unhappiness in his famous essay on Conquest of Happiness. He refers to mistaken views of the world, mistaken ethics, and mistaken habits of life as the major causes of misery in human life. This is so true for our contemporary society. We are led by things that we do not define for our self. We have entrusted the right to define right and wrong to others forever. We live by standards set by others and not us. If we are born with a unique identity and personality then how can we ever come up to standards that are not our? In the whole tamasha of our life there exists no individual but institutions – family, society, etc.
What is this obsession with success and failure and that too on standards not set by us? It all breeds out of expectations that others have from us. For havens sake why can’t we love our children because they are our children why do we need to expect them to make us proud in the eyes of others when they grow up? Is parent’s love for their offspring contingent upon their success in life? Sad but true for our society - yes.
The whole world is looking to define poverty. Economists define poverty in terms of money and the public health professionals in terms of food intake. I define poverty in terms of misery. You are poor if you are unhappy even if your table is full of food and your bank full of money. If your life is morose no amount of money and no exotic foods can fill the gap.
Life is tough; it was supposed to be but it was not supposed to be a sad affair. When we refer to someone as full of life what are we referring to? Is it not happiness? Happiness is the essence of life. For us howsoever pessimistic you think I am, but happiness comes at the end of our priorities.
In order to be happy we need to be at peace with our self. We must not burden our kids, friends and parents with expectations. This will only come when we let the welfare approach to life go. We must let people make their own decisions and not take this responsibility onto us. We are no one to decide about others life exactly in the same manner as no one else has the right to define success and failure for us. It is absolutely possible that there are more than one winners if we treat life different than a race. Let everyone win; we must not lose, for loss is not loss as others define it but loss is how we perceive it. There are no universal standards of failure or success. We as individuals have the right to define them according to our circumstances.
Let us make ourselves happy while it is still time. Khayyam said and I quote
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